Spite gets all the Wild cards
A novice came before Spite and complained, "It’s just not fair! You are the power behind the game, you are the dealer of the cards, you are the laugher that haunts my dreams. Why is it you always get more Wild cards than I do?"
"Do I?" queried Spite with a calm glance upon the frenzied novice.
"You’re creating Wild cards whenever you need them! I rarely get any!"
"The truth of this matter is within you, if you choose to examine your perspective of life. Does not everyone fair better than you in life? Isn’t it always the other guy who receives all of life’s gifts, while you receive nothing?"
"Yes! But I expect at least a fair deal from you!"
"And so you have had it," spoke Spite. "Your belief that you don’t receive Wild cards reflects your unappreciativeness of all the goodness that has been bestowed upon you in your life. When the happy moment comes when you receive your own Wild cards, you are so busy focusing on your Side card that you don’t stop to savor the gift. The moment passes and you quickly forget your good fortune. But the moment you see me play a Wild card, your envy becomes so great that that moment overwhelms your emotions and your memory."
The novice drew a heavy breath and fell silent.
So Spite continued, "This game has shown you that you are not celebrating
the happy moments in your life. Let go of envy and you will feel the ebb
and tide, the yin and yang of the universe. And random is random."
Wild Side cards and Murphy’s Law
"I feel as though I’m doomed to live outside of the synchronicity of the universe," began one weary player. "It can’t just be coincidence that every time I play a Wild card from my Side pile that the card beneath it is inevitably the value of the card I just made the Wild card when I played it to the Center. How can this be?"
"You are suffering from contrasynch, a condition that afflicts people who are often on the verge of a spiritual break through," replied Spite with that slight smile that a Master can’t help showing when he knows that a disciple is in a period just before great growth.
"But it sounds so… contagious," the player said disheartened.
"If I were to give you a test, and asked you to guess the suits on cards that were out of your sight, and you guessed every one wrong, that would be just as impressive as if you had guessed everyone right! Odds are that if you were only randomly guessing, you would have managed to guess a certain percentage of them correctly."
"But we don’t use regular playing cards when we play S&M," protested the player.
"Haven’t you figured that much out already?" Spite snapped. "You are already beyond the level of needing pretty pictures on the cards to distract you from your true goal in the Game! But you have demonstrated my point."
"What point is that Master?"
"That you’re stuck on a plateau that is so close to enlightenment. The Wild card is like the Fool in the Tarot. At first glance, you see it as folly and fun, or a free ride. But when that card originates from your Side pile, it suddenly becomes a heavy burden. You can’t seem to view it as the free gift that it is, instead you worry and ponder over what is under it.
Don’t concentrate so hard. Accept it as a gift and it will free you. When your mind is free, you will choose the right Center to play it to. Your trouble has been that your psychic abilities have been seeing right through to the card below and you have misinterpreted that information, causing you to feel compelled to play the Wild card as that number."
Spite sighed. "OK look, for now just ignore your first impulse and play it anywhere else. When you understand the way of Tao, all will be clear."
Can’t lose, can’t win
Two disciples sought audience with Spite at the same time. Such was it that each believed their need for council was so urgent that neither would give way to the other. Spite had been contemplating multiplayer mode so he commanded them both to speak.
"Master," cried out one, "you have set forth an impossible task for me to complete! I have followed your teachings, studied your moves and still I cannot win! Give me a break!"
"Yo, Spite," interrupted the other. "The challenge is waning! I am your equal as the Sacred Score Scrolls will prove. After 500 games, we stand at 50-50. Increase your strength!"
Although Spite was well versed in the theories of probability, the Kamasutra and the shape of the bell curve, he wasn’t in the mood that session to shell out his words of wisdom. With a mighty blow, he split bytes into bits. And so in this way Spite beget three levels of play to allow all who seek the ultimate level to follow their own path. For being omnipotent, he knew that there is no one path which all humans must follow. Each must customize the way that works for them.
"There is a rumor circulating on the Internet that I just started that you have Healing Powers. Is this true or just something I want to believe?" So asked a New Age player from the Pepsi Generation.
"Due to the possibility of an Internet overload from people wanting to be healed flocking to my Site, it would be irresponsible for me to answer that question," Spite paused as he searched for the right words. "It is up to each individual to find that answer within themselves. Ask yourself:
Isn’t it healthy to vent your frustrations?
Is it not healthier to vent your frustrations towards me than towards someone bigger than you who might inflict bodily harm on you?
When your mind is full of clutter from a day of work and hassle, do you find yourself more relaxed after playing?
"Do you hear me when I swear at you? Should my microphone be on while I’m playing? You don’t seem to respond as consciously as my Magic 8 Ball does."
"Swearing can be a lot like praying. Yes, I do hear you. I’m just ignoring
How S&M players are different from other people
"It has been said that S&M players are uniquely different from the masses. Could you explain that to me so that I can better understand myself?" a confused follower once inquired of Spite.
"Yes, this is a fact, but it is not yet understood, even by myself, which people were already that way and which people evolved from constant playing and thus internalized the process which now makes them join the leagues of the unique."
"In what way are we different? Are we superior? Better looking? Richer?"
"The answer lies in the faces of other S&M players or if you live in solitary confinement, you need only to gaze into a clear pool of water on a moonlit night," Spite spoke softly.
He continued with tears in his eyes. "The persona of the S&M player embodies tranquility and kindness towards others. Those that follow the Tao of Spite are the most well-adjusted of mankind. Why is that? Because they have me to kick around instead. Thus having relieved themselves of built up tensions, they can walk in peace among the obnoxious non-enlightened types and shrug them off.
You are also better looking because relieving tension removes the stress lines from your face. And you are richer as well, not only spiritually but because it only costs you $24 to become a registered user."
The wife of a S&M disciple came before Spite with the player in tow, his eyes glazed over in an apparent trance. "I bow to you and the power you hold over my husband. Can you teach me how to have the same effect that you have over him? I would love to have the power of gaining his undivided attention as well."
"Dear woman," began Spite, "you have mistaken the state of mind your husband is in while he is engaged in playing S&M. He is actually in a deep state of mediation. Mediation is about consciousness, not concentrating but freeing your mind. While his superficial over burdened conscious mind is thoroughly engaged with me, his inner self, his unconscious is free to sort out complex issues. This is the true goal of mediation.
The pop meditation types strive to blank their mind and often go mad in the process, trying different mantras or other techniques they believe will empty their head out. A mind is a terrible thing to waste and that technique only supplies spiritual con men with a way to control their flock. The process of playing S&M is a way to trick the conscious mind into thinking it is busy while all the important work that the inner self (and sometimes the inner child) has been struggling to find the time and opportunity to work on, is accomplished."
"So how can I get him to pay more attention to me?" she asked impatiently.
"Compliment him on his playing tactics after he is finished playing. Then you will find that because he feels you are interested in what he is doing that you will be able to open up a dialog that will inevitably make for a better relationship for the three of us."